Attempting to maintain where imperfections shunned
Marching toward time with the burden of flaws
Waking to find age has not been kind
Slowly decaying according to physics and natural laws
Mortality; a stark reminder of life
Leaving me kneeling with a heart full of hymns
My soul rejecting this modern existence
Yet, no matter what, I refuse to be society’s Hester Prynne
Envy is a no-no word, harsher than jealous. When I feel envy I admit to myself that I have failed, and I think I feel more anger than when I feel jealous. Jealousy feels more childish, or adolescent. Envious reaches the stage of gnashing teeth, a dark corner to plot revenge in, and the garbage can–no, sewer pot.
Does it also carry with it a dislike of the person envied? I’m just exploring my id, you see. I can’t easily imagine feeling envy of someone I like and enjoy. I’ve decided (now) that envy may be the most multi-leveled and torturous emotion of all. Hate is clean and honest in comparison.
At least feeling envious leads me to my dashboard to reflect
Overflowing emotion runs through my veins, And like a flood gate, It opens at the worst times, Cascading down and taking everyone with it, Reminding me I am a slave to the flow of the current, Taking me which ever way it deems most important, Sailing on the tides, We find you waiting, As though you knew exactly where we’d wash up, And for the shores that bury themselves in my thighs, The sand gathering and falling around me, I stand tall, As though not underwater by the overwhelming symptoms, Reaching for your hand, To guide me to the other side.