My biggest nightmare these days is not knowing the answer to this question i keep asking myself:
“Am i a bad person who thinks he is a good one?”
I don’t want to hurt anybody, not physically nor emotionally.
I don’t want to take advantage of anyone, not in any way.
I don’t want to steal anything from anyone, blackmail anyone, or mind anyone’s business but mine.
Yet, i have no desire to fix the world problems, and be there every time someone is hurt.
I’m not capable of saying the right things at the right times or make huge sacrifices.
And sometimes i hurt people around me or people i love by doing the wrong thing and not knowing how to fix it.
I like to believe i’m a good company, but then i look around and feel so different and alone, maybe because i barely know myself so why anyone would want to know me?
I try to take small steps to make someones day a bit better or put a little effort in small unselfish contributions, but i mostly feel grey, just one of those characters who prefers to live and die in peace.
It’s funny because when i was younger, i wanted to be someone whom existence makes a difference, now i guess my mentality is mainly controlled by fear.
My faith always gets me through, and the fact that life is really short, it’s too short to spend it in a mentally dark place, but i truly wish i could be more than just who i am.
Doing the right thing could be a struggle sometimes and i get too weak.
Still, deep down in my core i refuse to believe i’m a bad person because i’v always heard that if you believe in good, good will always come across your way.
And every time i feel weak, i’ll take it as a reminder to try and do the right thing .. until my last breath.
After reading, I want to apologize. But why? If we could live in dreams I would invite you to mine. Instead, we partake on a feast of Noor’s @ The Dreaming Light. Are you feeling grey confusions too? Yesterday I felt different. Today, a cosmic shift into the dark abyss. Prophetic?
“When did we lose all sense?” I still reach out. Smile. The galloping towards the abyss is stronger than my heart and soul. I cant fathom the world any worse than it is… but I sense darkness coming.
Let me know if you enjoyed Noor’s words. Thanks and keep writing. Jeanne ❤️🎶 (Want to be a highlighted poet? Let me know that too!)